My husband’s family had the misconception that I was their maid for Easter, but they were unaware that I had concealed a small surprise among the chocolate bunnies. What took place after that continues to make me laugh.
To be honest, I’ve never been the type of person who would vent about family issues on the internet. No, I do not engage in activities such as subtweeting, posting cryptic status updates on Facebook, or airing dirty laundry for the entire world to see. But what took place over the Easter holiday this past year was too scrumptious and too poetic for me to keep to myself.
Rachel is my name, I am 35 years old, and I am currently employed as a marketing director for a company that is of a medium size. For the past three years, I have been married to Caleb, and in the majority of ways, those three years have been filled with happiness. Funny, kind, encouraging, and blessedly competent with home duties, Caleb is the kind of man I once thought only existed in romantic comedies. He is the kind of man who supports me. It is nothing short of a miracle that the man is able to load a dishwasher in the correct manner. If you have ever lived with someone who is unable to do so, you will understand that this is a significant accomplishment.
The bond that we share is strong. He has an issue with his family.
I would really appreciate it if you could bring me another mimosa while you are awake, Rachel. During the previous month, the voice of my mother-in-law drifted absentmindedly across our terrace. She had been sitting in her padded lounge chair for more than an hour without moving at all.
Caleb’s mother, Marjorie, is pictured here. Her requests are always made with a sense of entitlement that is so thick that they could be bottled up. She is the reigning queen of passive-aggressive requests. Additionally, Vanessa, Claudia, and Brittany, who are Caleb’s sisters, are standing on either side of her, acting as a trio of attendants.
Almost immediately, it became abundantly evident that I was not their ideal choice for Caleb. The actions they take, the tone they use, and the “compliments” they offer all tell volumes, even though they have never directly stated it.
It was once Vanessa who cooed at me across the dinner table, “Oh Rachel, you are so bold to wear something that fitted.” She was looking at my completely plain dress as if I had walked in wearing feathers and sparkles.
The food that I consume is something that Claudia enjoys analyzing in great detail. She purrs, “Good for you, not worrying about calories,” as if I have just stated that I intend to gain twenty pounds on purpose. This happens whenever I allow myself to even come close to dessert.
Additionally, Brittany, the youngest of the three, has a tendency to be sanctimonious. She is constantly reminding me of their “strong family traditions” and subtly implying that I might not be able to meet up to their standards.
But what about Easter? This year’s winner was Easter.
While Claudia’s three children were climbing over the cushions of my freshly dusted couch, she made the announcement three weeks before the holiday. “Since you and Caleb do not yet have children,” she said, “it only makes sense for you to organize the Easter Egg Hunt this year.”
I should clarify that when she said “organize,” she did not mean dumping a few plastic eggs onto the grass. On the contrary, she anticipated a full-fledged show, complete with scavenger hunt clues, costumes, and even the hiring of a bunny mascot—of course, with my own money.
As Vanessa continued to sip her latte and adjust her huge sunglasses, she continued, “It would demonstrate that you really care about our family.”
It was Caleb’s attempt to step in. In spite of the fact that he expressed his opinion that “that sounds like a lot to put on Rachel,” they steamrolled him and insisted that it was “just tradition.”
I wore my most beautiful smile and failed to utter a single word. On the surface, I concurred. However, on the inside? I had already begun formulating a strategy.
My mobile device alerted me to the presence of a new group chat two days before Easter. Unfortunately, to my dismay, the title of the document was “Easter Planning 💐🐇” and it was crafted by none other than Marjorie. Instantaneously, I became aware that Caleb had not been included.
“Rachel, my sweetheart, given the fact that you are already contributing so much, it would be really wonderful if you could just cook Easter supper for us as well! 😘 Caleb is deserving of a woman who is capable of adequately hosting.
In addition to that, her daughters added a laundry list of demands, which included glazed ham, mashed potatoes, casseroles, buns, two pies, and of course, “lighter options for those of us watching our figures.” As if that weren’t enough, her daughters then demanded that the meal be simpler. Without exception, not a single one of them offered to bring even a single bag of dinner rolls.
While I was showing it to Caleb, his face became a bright red. They want you to prepare food for twenty-five guests, don’t they? Absolutely insanity. I’ll take care of it. We are going to get catering.”
His cheek was kissed by me. “No, my love. Do not be concerned about it. You can count on me.”
The way he stared at me was suspicious, but I did not back down.
It was a sunny and warm morning on Easter Sunday. Since the wee hours of the morning, I had been up keeping an eye out for eggs and cooking supper. By the time midday rolled around, our home was packed with the entire family, including Marjorie, the sisters, their spouses, and children ranging from two-year-olds with sticky fingers to hyperactive adolescents.
While I was holding my breath, I was setting the table and serving the meals.
After only a few seconds of taking her first bite, Marjorie made the observation, “This ham is a little dry.”
Claudia jumped in and said, “These potatoes could get a little bit more butter.”
“In our family, we typically serve gravy in a proper boat, not a measuring cup,” Vanessa sniffed. She did not take into consideration the fact that I had, in fact, used the ancient gravy boat that belonged to my grandmother instead.
Caleb remained at my side, tense and ready to defend me during the entire ordeal. At the very least, I gave him a slight shake of my head. Not at this time.
After they had consumed so much food that they were in a coma, the grownups enjoyed themselves with wine glasses while the children smeared chocolate on my furnishings. A vase was knocked over by a single child. No one worked to clean things up. Just a chorus of people who are contemptuous and say, “Kids will be kids!”
And last, the ultimate insult followed.
“Rachel,” Vanessa yelled while looking over her shoulder, “the kitchen is not going to clean itself.”
In addition, Marjorie stretched out like a cat and said, “Oh, sweetie, now is the time for you to demonstrate that you are a real wife material.” Go ahead and clean up while we take it easy.
The sisters gave each other a sly grin before relaxing into the cushions of the couch as if they were royalty sitting in anticipation of being fanned with palm fronds.
Unexpectedly, Caleb stood up. “I’ll take care of you, Rach.”
I raised my voice to a level that was audible to everyone in the room. “No, my love. You have put in a lot of effort over the week. Relax and have fun with the guys.
Triumphant smiles spread across the faces of the sisters.
It was at that moment that I slapped my hands together and exclaimed with a glowing voice, “Absolutely!” I’ll take care of everything!…
As they resumed their conversation on Vanessa’s planned cruise, their smug expressions of satisfaction vanished. Furthermore, Brittany placed her shoes on my coffee table, causing scuff marks to appear on the surface of the wood.
I centered my attention on the children. “Alright, who do you think is prepared to participate in the Easter Egg Hunt?”
The children applauded enthusiastically.
Lazily, Marjorie replied, “But I thought we already did the egg hunt this morning.” in reference to the egg hunt.
What I said in response was, “That was just the warm-up,” and I winked. The Golden Egg Challenge is about to begin at this very moment.
Excited gasps could be heard around the room.
Whoa, what is that? As he bounced on his toes, Claudia’s ten-year-old son asked the question.
I reached into my pocket and drew out a golden egg that shimmered and held it up high. There is a note containing a VERY SPECIAL reward hidden inside of this egg. More delicious than candy.”
The juveniles let out a squeal. Even the grownups became interested and perked up.
After that, I continued by saying, “The golden egg is concealed somewhere in the backyard.” “Whoever discovered it is the winner of the grand prize!”
With the speed of a stampede, the children ran out of the rear door.
I was called after by Marjorie, who said, “That is very kind of you, Rachel.” We need to keep them occupied while we digest.
From the other side of the room, Caleb caught my attention, and his eyes were filled with distrust. I gave a wink.
After fifteen minutes had passed, a jubilant shout could be heard coming from the garden. “I FINALLY FOUND IT!”
Lily, Vanessa’s daughter, was the one who was proudly displaying the egg as if it were a trophy.
Just right.
The words “Congratulations, Lily!” I am ecstatic. “Take a look at what you’ve won by opening it!”
A scowl appeared on her face as she opened it, removed the scrap of paper, and took it out. “What exactly does it say?”
It was taken by me, and I unrolled it with an overdone flair. The person who finds the Golden Egg will be awarded the GRAND PRIZE, which is that your family will be responsible for cleaning up the entire Easter mess! Sincere congratulations!
A wonderful silence prevailed for a period of three seconds.
Pandemonium had ensued.
“There is no prize for that!” Claudia made a barking sound.
Vanessa gasped, “You can’t be serious,” as she came dangerously close to spilling her drink.
A look of indignation spread across Marjorie’s face as she reprimanded Rachel, saying, “Rachel, dear, this is wildly inappropriate.”
I responded with a nice “Oh no.” “The verdict is in. All of the children were quite enthusiastic about the assignment. Traditions within the family are important, after all, aren’t they? You were the one who taught me that.
The children, may God bless them, started chanting, “CLEAN UP! CLEAN UP! CLEAN UP!”
Caleb’s laughter was so intense that he had to hold his stomach in order to contain it.
Hissing, Brittany said, “This is not very funny.”
“Actually,” Caleb replied as he wrapped his arm around my waist, “it’s an absolutely hilarious situation.”
Even though the sisters were struggling, they had no choice but to accept the situation because their children were yelling and the awkward quiet was getting thicker.
Two pairs of rubber gloves were presented to Vanessa by me. “There is dish soap hidden beneath the sink.”
The following hour was spent with me sitting on the patio with my feet up, sipping a mimosa that was wonderfully chilled, while Marjorie and her daughters cleaned the kitchen by scrubbing the pans, wiping the counters, and picking up chocolate streaks from the furniture. My satisfaction was heightened when I discovered that their spouses, who had been stealing looks from the den, were swiftly drawn in as well.
Caleb sprang his glass against mine and clinked it. You have a brilliant mind.
I shrugged and savored the victory sip I was taking. “The very best taught me,” she said. Every time I see your family, they remind me that traditions are really essential.
During the brief moment when Marjorie was struggling with a roasting pan that was extremely oily, her eyes met mine. And I was certain that I had seen something fresh in that glance. And not rage. It is not contempt. A glimmer of reluctance to respect anyway.
Upcoming Easter? There is no question in my mind that they will be bringing foods for the potluck, and perhaps even their very own sponges.
